


Blank

by girlwithpassion



Category: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (2020)
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Eventual Happy Ending, Fully Angst, Heart Broken Kartik, Heart broken Aman, I'm so sorry but I had to do this, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Memory Loss, Romance, Slow Build, Suicidal Thoughts, loving Aman, supportive family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 16,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22880098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlwithpassion/pseuds/girlwithpassion
Summary: Kartik looses his memory of past 3 years in an accident, forgetting about Aman and their relationship. Leaving Aman behind to pick up the pieces of their relationship in hopes of Kartik regaining his memory one day. But Kartik is unable to deal with the pain, trauma and wants to run away from Aman who will do anything to get his love back, even if it means re-creating their entire relationship. But will their love survive or will Aman lose his love forever?
Relationships: Kartik Singh/Aman Tripathi
Comments: 88
Kudos: 161





	1. Man At'Kiya

**Author's Note:**

> It's loosely based on a story from Salaam-e-Ishq. It's going to be a FF with multiple chapters but hopefully not too many chapters. Dialogues are in Hindi but added translation as well in brackets.

**Blank::Kartik/Aman**

* * *

Sometimes it feels like a dream to Aman that how much has changed in last year or so. He and Kartik are officially married with Tripathi family's full blessings. It took time but eventually no one was able to resist Kartik's charm, not even his Shankar Tripathi and finally Kartik was the ladla damad-cum-beta of the family, also known as the brat of the family.

With time and dedication both of them were finally able to get ahead in their careers and found the jobs both deserved, Kartik was over the moon when he finally got creative job in the advertising company which he wanted to work in for quite sometime. Meanwhile, Aman was working in Pharmaceutical as a researcher working on creating new medication which could help with a cure to cancer. A shrill sound of his phone brings him out of his thoughts, seeing unknown number Aman answers the phone with slight curiosity.

"Aman Triphathi?"

"Ji bol raha hon." _(Yes, speaking.)_

"Main City Hospital se bol rahi hon, Kartik Singh aapke..." _(I'm speaking from City Hospital, Kartik Singh, your...)_

"Mera husband hai." _(He is my husband.)_

"Aap jald se jald City hospital ajayein, unka accident hogaya hai, bohut critical condition mein hain." ( _You need to come to City Hospital immediately, he has met with an accident and is in critical condition)_

Saying this the line goes dead leaving Aman in shock and frozen in his place and the morning flashes right in front of his eyes.

_Kartik is rushing to get ready, he is already late for work for a very important meeting with a client, it could help him grab a profitable deal, if he bags this client and Kartik is determined to do just that. Although the way morning has started, that has started to add doubts in his mind. Aman, who is quietly watching Kartik wrestle through the morning finally tries to intertwine and relax his husband._

_'Kartik...'_

_'I love you, my baby.'_

_'Nashta toh karle.' (Have breakfast atleast.)_

_'Meeting hai!' (I have a meeting.)_

_'Lekin...' (But...)_

_'Aaj raat paka celebration hogi, mood ke saath.' (We will surely celebrate tonight.)_

_'Kartik yaar...'_

_'Bye, baby.' A soft kiss pressing against his lips._

_'Accident hogaya hai. Critical condition mein hain.'_ As soon the words enter his thoughts, the brain finally registers sending signals to his body making Aman finally unfreeze and making a run for the hospital.

Aman rushes through the hospital to find his husband, manages to finally get hold of doctor who in charge of Kartik's case. Doctor tells him that there aren't any deep physical or internal injuries and they would like to wait until Kartik is conscious to make further diagnosis. Aman is bit relived to hear that but then Doctor also warns Aman about what could possibly go wrong.

"Dekhiye Aman ji, waise toh sab theek hai lekin kyunki chot sar par zayada lagi hai toh shaayd..." _(Look, Mr. Aman, so far it seems fine but because it's head injury then maybe...)_

"Shayad kya, Doctor?" _(Maybe, what, Doctor?)_

"Dekhiye, kabhi kabar aise cases mein bahari tor par sab theek lagta hai lekin hosh mein anay ke baad hi kuch kaha jaa sakta hai." _(Look, in such cases, sometimes physical wounds are okay but we can confirm only when patient is awake.)_

"Aap kya keh rahe hain, abhi toh aapne kaha ke internal injuries nahi hain toh phir..." _(What are you implying? You just said that there aren't any internal injuries then...)_

"Main aapki halat samajh sakta hon, main sirf aapko warn karna chahta hon ke rarely aise cases mein kabhi kabhi patient jo hai woh short term memory loss ka shikar bhi hosakte hain." _(I can understand your condition but I am merely trying to warn you that in these cases, rarely, patient can also suffer from a short term memory loss.)_

Aman blinks few times as words registering his mind.

"Wh... what do you mean?"

Doctor tries to explain to Aman that due to Kartik's head injury there is a chance, rare, but still chance of memory loss but usually it can be recovered with time. Meanwhile, Doctor suggests Aman to see Kartik as he might wake up in few hours and tells Aman to prepare himself in case of worse.

Aman's heart breaks seeing Kartik lying on hospital bed unconsciously and all the machines hooked up to him. Slowly, he pulls up chair closer to bed and sits down, taking Kartik's hand gently in his hand, bringing to his mouth to kiss it gently. Tears start to roll down his eyes, sobbing quietly, holding his husband's hand, Aman prays for nothing but getting his Kartik back.

"Please, baby... come back to me. Tumhe kuch hogaya na toh main marr jaonga, Kartik." Kartik doesn't react and more tear falls from Aman's eyes. _(Please, baby... come back to me. If something happens to you, I'll die, Kartik.)_

"Tu ayega na, waapis? Mere paas? Dekh Kartik, main tujhe nahi khoh sakta. Itni mushkilon se paya hai tujhe, aab kaise..." A sob wrenches out of him. _(You will come back, right? Look, Kartik, I cannot lose you. I finally found you after everything, now how can I...)_

"Please, Kartik." Aman closes his eyes, silently keeps pleading and praying for Kartik to wake up and come back to him without any harm or loss, still holding his hand and keep pressing kisses gently to it.

Slight movement within his hand wakes up Aman who doesn't remember closing his eyes, his attention instantly moves to man lying on bed and he can see Kartik is slowly waking up. Feeling ecstatic he calls for nurse to inform the doctor that Kartik is waking up, he keeps his hold on Kartik's hand and with other hand moving to other man's face gently creasing it.

Light, too much light, his eyes react shutting again and opening them again slowly while eyes adjusting to light. Slowly moving his eyes around Kartik sees a man holding his hand and looking at him with pure happiness.

"ThankGod, Kartik... tumne toh mujhe darra diya tha, aisa koi karta hai kya?" _(ThankGod, Kartik... you scared me, how can you do this?)_

Silence. Kartik tries to place the man into his mind while searching for data, any information he can think of about this man but comes up with nothing. His mind is absolutely blank. The absolute silence makes Aman anxious.

"Kartik..." The said man pulls his hand from the hold of this man leaving other man's hands frozen in air with his hand now missing from the hold. Kartik looks at him, properly looks at him. Swollen eyes, tired and anxiety radiating off him as he is frozen in his place.

"Who are you?" Kartik finally asks the question when his mind doesn't supply any information, he can see exactly the moment other man finally understands the question. Any life, any strength left within that man leaves his body and pure dread takes over him.

"Kartik." He tries again.

"Haan, main Kartik hon, Kartik Singh... par tum koun ho?" _(Yes, I'm Kartik, Kartik Singh... but who are you?)_

So many emotions flicker through the eyes of other man and for some reason it makes Kartik uneasy so he turns his gaze away from him.

Aman stays still seeing his love, his life, pulling away from him while he is unable to do anything. He just lost his husband, his love of life, his light, right in front of his eyes. Aman's heart broken into million pieces as his husband asked him who is he? When he pulled away his hand, Aman almost stopped breathing, it seemed like someone just pulled his heart out from his chest and then he turned his gaze away and for Aman, life just left within him, he just died and went into hell.

It was Doctor Keshav and his team who rush in to look at Kartik, in midst of this with barely any strength left, Aman forces himself to walk away from the room. As soon he is out of the room, his strength gives out letting him fall on floor, his emotions unable to stay in control let lose. ' _No. No. No, no... no... no',_ is on loop in his mind as Aman finally falls apart in the corridor of City Hospital.


	2. Man At'Kiya Beparwaah De Naal

**Blank::Kartik/Aman**

**Chapter II: Man At'Kiya Be-Parwaah De Naal**

* * *

Aman is sitting in their apartment kitchen floor with his life and memories scattered all around the floor. He picks up a photo of him and Kartik where Kartik took him by surprise with peck on his cheeks as they were clicking the photo. Memory is cystal clear but his vision is blurred by the tears, looking around he finds himself in a utter mess. A week of complete and utter chaos, pain and constant battle of emotions that Aman had been quietly dealing within himself.

Kartik's memory loss has left him utterly broken and it seems his memories not only took Aman away but a part of Kartik too. He isn't the same person anymore, he is merely a shadow of Kartik which is killing Aman slowly and painfully.

After Aman's meltdown Doctor Keshav, had calmed Aman down before discussing the entire situation of Kartik.

'Aman, main samajh sakta...' _(Aman, I can understand...)_

"Kya ganta samajhte hain aap?" (How the hell you can understand?)

Aman looses his cool, his emotions are all over the place. "Kya pata hai aapko? Meri taqleef? Kartik ki taqleef?" ( _What does you know? My pain? Kartik's pain?)_ Tears roll down yet again from his eyes. "I've lost him." Doctor sympathies with Aman.

"Humne poora check up kiya hai. Unfortunately, Kartik is suffering from retrograde amnesia." ( _We have conducted full check up. Unfortunately, Kartik is suffering from retrograde amnesia.)_

"What?"

"Brain mein kaafi dair tak oxygen na hone ki wajah se partial memory loss howa hai, woh apni zindagi ke peechle 3 saal bhool chukay hain. Us 3 saal mein aapko aur har us cheez, insaan ko bhool chukay hain." _(Due to lack of oxygen for quite sometime he has suffered a partial memory loss, due to which he forgot last 3 years of his life. In those 3 years, whom he met, anything happened, he doesn't remember them.)_ His world comes to a stand still, he can see Dr. Keshav talking but voice wasn't reaching to his ears.

"Aman..." Dr. Keshav tries to get his attention.

"Look, I understand ke sab kitna mushkil hai process karna par aapko himmat karni paregi, Kartik ke liye, woh..." _(Look, I understand that it is difficult for you to process but you need to be strong, for Kartik, he..)_

"Kya usne kuch kaha?" A hope rises in his broken heart. ( _Did he said something?)_

"Woh pooch raha tha tumhare baare mein." ( _He was asking about you.)_

"Main ussay mil..." Aman tries to get up but Dr stops him. _(I want to see him...)_

"Aman please meri baat suno. Kartik abhi bohut vurnarable hai aur sab process karne ke liye time lagega. Maine Kartik se baat ki hai usko dheere dheere es condition ka ehsaas karwaya hai aur tumhare baare mein bhi bataya hai. Umeed hai ke uski memory waapis ajayegi." _(Aman please listen to me. Kartik is quite vulnerable right now and it will take him time to process everything. I have spoken to Kartik and slowly I have made him aware of his condition. Hopefully it will help with his memory.)_

"Lekin kab tak?" Silence, followed by Dr Keshav looking down at his notes. _(But when?)_

"Doctor?"

"Aman... kuch kaha nahi jaa sakta. Hosakta hai jaldi waapis ajaye, hosakta hai kaafi time lag jaye yaan... shayad kabhi nahi. Aman, I know I am asking for a lot but with your patience and love, it is possible..." _(Aman, I can't say anything right now. Maybe he will regain his memories soon, or maybe it'll take time or maybe... never.)_

"What if it's not enough?" 'What if I am not enough?' A scary thought runs across his mind sending shivers down his body. He cannot allow this to happen, he will not let this happen. Fight, that's what Aman will do and even if he has to fight destiny, he will but not let Kartik taken away from him, not now, not again.

"I want to take him home." Determined to fight Aman decides to take Kartik home, Dr Keshav agrees to it before he proceeds to do some final check up before leaving. He also warns him to be careful with Kartik he is quite vulnerable and it will take him time to adjust to all this.

Aman sits there absolutely lost wishing nothing but to run to Kartik's room and hold him into his arms and never letting him go but he squishes it knowing Kartik wouldn't allow that right now. He is still unable to process the fact Kartik would be looking at him as complete stranger.

His phone vibrates for nth time making him aware of the messages keep coming in his inbox and Whatsapp, he opens them finally to see all messages from his family. It dawns to him in midst of all this he never mentioned to his family what happened. With shaking hands he calls his home to break the news. He doesn't even get the chance to say something and he is bombarded with questions.

"Ab yaad ayi hai baap ki? Do din se hum sab phone kar rahe hain na tum utha rahe ho, na hi Kartik..." As soon he hears Kartik's name a river breaks inside him and he starts sobbing which causes a sudden silence on the other side of phone. _(Now you remember your father? We all have been trying to contact for last two days. Nor you are picking up nor Karik...)_

"Aman? Kya howa hai?" His dad asks him with clear worry in his tone and suddenly his entire family is on phone asking him what is going on but Aman keeps crying. _(Aman, what happened?)_

"Aman shaant hoja... mera baccha... shaant ho." His mum tries to calm him over the phone which helps Aman enough to utter these words. _(Aman calm down.. my baby... calm down.)_

"Kartik...woh... mujhe bhol gaya, mummy." This is the first time he managed to these words out loud making him realise it is all true, not a nightmare from which he can wake up. _(Kartik... he... forgot me, mummy.)_

"Kya? Kya keh raha hai?" He can hear almost everyone asking same question but when his crying doesn't stop, Sunaina and Shankar tries to calm him firstly. Once a bit calm, Aman speaks to them again finally narrating them the entire incident while tears keep dropping from his eyes and finishes with one sentence again and again "Woh mujhe bhool gaya, woh sab kuch bhool gaya." Leaving he entire family is in shock and tears. _(What? What do you mean?) (He forget me, he forgot everything.)_

"Main ticket katwata hon, hum arahe hain, Aman tu fikar mat kar." Aman hears Chamam Chacha speak, at first he is relieved but second later he asks his family not to come yet because it might overwhelm Kartik. It was hard because they were adamant on it but realising it's best for Kartik and Aman's promise to keep them up to date and bringing Kartik home soon finally does stop the entire family from coming here. _(I'm booking tickets, we are coming, don't worry, Aman.)_

Aman hangs up upon arrival of Dr Keshav who tells him he can now take Kartik home. A dread settles within him when he walks towards Kartik's room gathering whatever strength he can, wiping away any traces of tears from his face, mustering up a smile, he finally walks in the room. Kartik is sitting on his bed and out of that horrible hospital gown into his own clothes, completely lost in his thoughts.

Aman's footsteps make Kartik aware that he is no longer alone, looking up his eyes meet with Aman's, making other's heart skip a beat.

"You are my husband." The sentence carefully formes from Kartik's lips as if he has been saying over and over again until he remembers and Aman's heart breaks yet again.

"Gh... ghar chalein?" It seemed like more of a question than a statement as if the other man would refuse. Said man doesn't utter anything else just nods his head and gets up from the bed, following Aman as they make their way out of the hospital. _(Let's go home?)_

They came back home which waa no longer home for either of them. Kartik went completely quiet, speaking only when necessary, avoiding Aman at any cost. Aman let it slide with heavy heart for first few days letting Kartik settle in at his own pace, no matter if it was costing Aman his everything but at least Kartik was there, in a flesh even if his soul, heart and mind were elsewhere. Kartik had done his best to roll himself in a tiny ball and try to appear invisible every time they would share space even for a bit. Sharing space... they were barely sharing any space in their apartment because Kartik refused to be in the same room as Aman, he tried to move out of bedroom after a meltdown but Aman convinced him to stay saying he would sleep in guest room.

Every surface, every part of their home was a reminder of their lives, their safe haven filled with love and warmth was now cold and distant. Every night, Aman would stand by bedroom threshold for hours trying to peak at his love, making sure he would sleep well before pulling himself together and walking away. Every night he would spend crying, sometimes on phone to his family, talking about everything and nothing, sometimes just sitting by the bedroom threshold, numb, only to get up before Kartik is awake and walking away.

One morning Aman finds Kartik looking at their photos on the fridge which he had been purposely avoiding previously. He has this curious look on his face with hint of a smile on his lips as he watches their photos but it vanishes as soon he feels Aman's presence; Aman tries not to let it get to his heart but it still stings. Seeing this as an opportunity to talk he starts sharing stories behind the pictures. 

"Yeh humari first date thi." Aman tries hard not to notice how Kartik flinches away. "Aur yeh humari.. third date thi.. aur yeh..." Aman points towards each photo and just goes into story about each picture. The more he talks about them, the more Kartik starts to fidget and avoids looking at Aman. _(This was our first date.) (This is our... third date... and this...)_

"Kya howa, Kartik?" Aman notices Kartik's uneasineas and stops his story in middle. _(What happened, Kartik?)_

"Kuch nahi." He is avoiding eye contact. _(Nothing.)_

Carefully, Aman takes Kartik's hand into his and kisses it gently. Touch, one more thing taken away from them. Kartik has always been the one to convey his feelings, his moods with touch than words, after they started dating Aman realised how much Kartik was touch starved and so was he. They would revel in each other's touch and soon it was like breathing. A gentle crease, hand holding, pecks, hugs... it was like breathing and Aman knows how much both are touch starved right now but seeing Kartik always pulling away from his presence, Aman could barely touch his love. Otherwise, he would just take the other man in his arms with intention of never letting him go. He now realise that Kartik's touch was also a privilege that he had taken for granted many times and now what he wouldn't do to have his baby in his arms again, to be able to touch him, kiss him, hold him.

"Kartik, sab theek hojayega. Tumhe sab yaad ajayega." As if someone stepped into a mine-field, one wrong step and bomb is triggered within Kartik. Suddenly he pulls his hand back from Aman and pulls away from him. _(Kartik, everything will be fine. You will remember everything.)_

"Sab theek hojayega? Yaad ajayega? Mujhe yaad hai main koun hon! Lekin tum jisse dhond rahe ho na woh main nahi hon." He turns towards fridge and looks at the photos, he starts to take those photos off from fridge, almost ripping them apart while Aman standing dumbstruck. He turns to Aman with photos in his hand. _(Everything will be fine? I will remember? I remember who I am! But who you are looking for isn't me.)_

"Yeh sab tumhari zindagi hogi, meri nahi hai... kuch yaad nahi hai mujhe aur yeh sab mujhe bas pareshaan kar rahi hain. Yeh ghar, har cheez. Tum bhi." The pictures carelessly falls from his hands, Aman is unable to breathe as if someone just choking life out of his body with their bear hands. _(This all is your life, not mine... I don't remember everything and all this is making me upset. This house. Everything. Even you.)_

"Dum ghut raha hai yahan mera... mujhe jana hai yahan se." With this Kartik walks out of the house and Aman sinks into his knees on kitchen floor watching his life fall apart in front of his eyes, all their memories scattered all over the place. _( I feel suffocated here... I want to leave from here.)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully you'll enjoyed it. :) Next chapter will explore Kartik's thoughts as Aman battles for their love.


	3. Ahsaan Hai Uska Jo Mujhko Mujhse Mila De

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is the chapter 3 and completely from Kartik's POV and I hope it make sense about his behaviour.  
> Also, a homophobic remarks, hints towards suicide.
> 
> So sorry for such a angst filled chapter... I promise, it'll be okay in the end. :)
> 
> Haven't reviewed it, apologies for grammar mistakes.

**Chapter III::Ahsaan Hai Uska Jo Mujhko Mujhse Mila De**

* * *

Roaming around the city aimlessly, Kartik carries on walking without any intention of going back. He doesn't even know where he will go but knows for sure going back there is not an option. Since he woke up his life has turned upside down. From finding out to being in an accident, having a husband, forgetting about said husband and losing 3 years of his life was just too much to deal with.

Kartik has spent so much time wrecking his brain trying to find something, anything that would verify what he is being told but was unsuccessful. It seems as if someone plucked him from his universe and dropped him in an alternate universe, where he has everything he ever wished for, which is too good to be true which is why Kartik is having hard time believing it.

Opening his eyes in the hospital with nothing but confusion on his mind and a stranger holding onto him. Kartik knows he made a huge blunder when he asks the man about his identity, he watches as series of emotions go through his eyes and dawns to him that Kartik doesn't recognise him.

3 years?! How the hell did he missed 3 years of his life. He sits on his bed trying to wrap his head around everything that Dr Keshav just told him, starting from the date and slowly building up to his accident, oh and yes, he is married to Aman Tripathi. The man who was here when Kartik woke up from what felt like years of deep sleep. He tried to look around but with Dr Keshav and staff the man soundlessly slipped from his room yet to be returned.

Kartik doesn't remember falling asleep, next time he is awake is when Dr Keshav returns to conduct check up before he is allowed to go home. Home. Kartik doesn't remember home, he doesn't even remember where are they living or he remembers his last address which for him was yesterday. Dr Keshav assures him that Aman will take care of him and will take him home.

"Gh...ghar chalein?" _'Ghar,'_ it was terrifying to even think about that, lost in his own thoughts he follows the other man quietly. Kartik doesn't need to look to know Aman's eyes on him but he ignored them in favour of preparing himself for what's to come. Home, their home or rather Aman's Kartik's home and he is not Aman's Kartik.

' _Home is where your heart is.'_ Kartik has heard that countless times and today he is witnessing it, the difference between home and house can't be more visible as he looks around. Every inch of that apartment is telling tale of life of Kartik and Aman, but sadly, Kartik is unable to connect to any of it, then it's too much for him to take, he feels as if the walls are closing up on him trapping him. Suddenly, arms around him, holding him, warmth filling around him and a soothing voice to help him, to calm down. Coming back he realises that Aman is holding him, whispering to him gently and for a single moment Kartik is at peace, losing himself in those arms. Finally he looks into those eyes which have been following him since he woke up; the love, the warmth, pain, and pure longing, all emotions are so clear in other man's eyes and it's all for Kartik or at least he thought so.

Just like that the spell is broken with a sudden realisation that he doesn't know this man and this love, warmth, it's not for him but Aman's Kartik and he cannot be Aman's Kartik, he doesn't know how to be. Suddenly finding himself attached to someone who is so caring, afraid to lose him and the love dripping from his each action scares Kartik to his core. ' _It cannot be true, I was never this lucky,'_ this thought triggers series of times where he was forced to believe that he will never get his happy ending, he will never find who would love him like this. His father's taunts ringing loud and clear in his ears, every negative comment, taunt fills his ears.

Kartik does the logical thing; pushes Aman away, literally and figuratively. Firstly breaking away from those arms even though a part of hin fights for it but he doesn't listen, he starts to ignore the only person who could help him.

Aman insists for Kartik to stay in the bedroom as other man shifts into guest room. _'What is he trying to achieve? Staying in this room will stir up memories?'_ Alone, on his or rather their bed, unable to sleep, he would spend hours staring at the ceiling not able to look at any other corner because all of it was reminder of the life he has forgotten. _'Or maybe it is an alternate universe.'_

Aman's longing, his hopeful gaze whenever Kartik would be looking around, his physical restrain to touch Kartik is very visible, even though it is hurting Aman, it hurts Kartik even more when their eyes would meet and Aman's hope turns into ashes.

Kartik kept pushing him away to avoid this, barely acknowledging him because it would mean talking which was not possible for Kartik. His mind constantly filled with negative thoughts, when it wasn't occupied with those hateful thoughts, his mind would keep going back to Aman and how much he is causing hurt to this lovely human being who is nothing but being patient with him.

Nights are the worst because he is unable to shut off his thoughts for a single moment, until, one night he notices a shadow under the door, the shadow wouldn't move until morning and that night Kartik's mind calms down as he focuses on the life on the other side of door until he falls into dreamless slumber. Every night he would wait for the shadow on the other side of door, lulling him into a deep slumber. Few times he debated to open the door but it would meaning opening the door to every other thing which they have been tip toeing.

First time since he stepped into their apartment, Kartik feels brave enough to spend his early morning looking around the apartment, he does notices few things or rather picture frames missing from their place which he had briefly noticed first time when he was brought here. The apartment surely has its own style and vibe, Kartik can almost predict that he would have big hand in picking out most of stuff currently residing in this apartment.

Stepping into kitchen he notices the pictures on fridge hanging with fridge magnets. A warmth spread across his body looking at those pictures, nothing but love can be seen in their eyes for each other causing an almost smile on his lips. He is hit by a sudden urge to touch those pictures, to feel them if they are real or is it his imagination. 'Is this really my life? Did I actually got this lucky?' But then another voice hits his mind _'Tune apne baap ke mouh pe tamacha mara hai, ab dekh yeh duniya tere mouh par tamacha maregi. Tujhe kisi ka pyaar nahi milega dekh lena.'_ And just like he is back into his teenage years; alone, abandoned, bruised and broken. (This is how you humiliate your father. Just watch now, how this world will humiliate you. You will never have anyone's love, remember that.)

"Yeh humari first date thi..." Aman's soothing voice startles him. Aman starts to recite story of each picture on the fridge but Kartik is unable to concentrate because the taunting, the voices in his head are getting louder and vicious. When Aman tries to console him, saying everything will be alright unable to take it anymore Kartik just looses it. Everything is too much, too noisy, too suffocating and Kartik is not able to take all of that ends up lashing out at Aman.

"Yeh sab tumhari zindagi hogi, meri nahi hai... kuch yaad nahi hai mujhe aur yeh sab mujhe bas pareshaan kar rahi hain. Yeh ghar, har cheez. tum bhi." (This all is your life, not mine... I don't remember everything and all this is making me upset. This house. Everything. Even you.)

"Dam ghut raha hai yahan mera... mujhe jana hai yahan se." He is already spiralling into his dark hole yet again, but he cannot take Aman down with him so he walks out of there. (I feel suffocated here... I want to leave from here.)

Dawn starting to turn into dusk and his feet are becoming heavier with each step as his strength finally giving up but with his inner turmoil still going too strong Kartik pays no attention to his physical pain and attempts to keep on walking but ends up dashing into another person almost falling over.

"Abey aandhey! Dikhayi nahi deta kya?" An apology escapes his lips as he struggles to stay on his feet, world almost going black. He hears a gut muttering as he walks away. Looking around he finds himself by the river not even remembering how he ended up here. He looks at the river, the water flowing, tempted to go towards it or rather walking in it, giving himself to flowing water but his feet are no longer supporting his idea. 'So this is my punishment? Do I really not deserve anyone's love?' It starts another chain of thoughts which he is unable to deal with and his body gives out due to exhaustion, before his can body hit the path a pair of hands manage to hold him. He manages to keep his eyes open to see a familiar face smiling down at him through the tears. (Hey! Are you blind?)

"Devika?" She pulls him in a tight hug and finally he closes his eyes let his exhaustion take over him completely.


	4. Dil Diya Ae'tbaar Ki Haadh Thi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally... here is next chapter for Blank. This was going to be a long chapter for what I had planned but now I have split that into two parts.

**BLANK::Kartik/Aman**

**Chapter IV: Dil Diya Yeh Ae'tbaar Ki Haadh Thi**

Devika opens the door to find Aman standing at her doorstep.\

"Andar hai. Soh raha hai." Devika answers Aman's unasked question and gestures Aman to come in. Once inside, Aman is anxious to see Kartik so Devika quietly leads him to room where he is finally sleeping looking clearly exhausted. _("He is inside, sleeping.")_

Aman places a gentle kiss on his angel's forehead and then leaves the room, letting Kartik catch up on his sleep.

Devika is waiting for him in living room with two steaming mugs of coffee.

"Ravi, kahan hai?" _("Where is Ravi?")_

"Conference ke liye Bangalore gaya hai." ( _"He is gone to Bangalore to attend conference.")_

"Woh..." Aman is trying to stall but Devika cuts him off.

"Yeh sab chodo aur sab batao mujhe. Jo Aman Kartik ki jaan hai aaj Kartik usi jaan se kaise bhaag raha hai aur kyun?" _("Forget about small talk and tell me everything. How is it possible that Aman, who is life of Kartik is the same Aman from whom Kartik is running away today?")_

"Kya bataon, mujhse toh meri poori zindagi, meri roshni hi chin gayi hai." Aman mutters and sighs. _("Where should I begin? My whole life has turned upside down.")_

_"Coffee peeyo aur sab batao." ("Have coffee and talk to me.")_

"Kartik ne kuch khaya?" Aman asks realising Kartik had left before they had a chance to have breakfast. Aman feels guilt seeping in again knowing he should have gone after Kartik but he didn't because he was too busy falling apart. _("Did Kartik had something to eat?")_

"Haan, khaya ghar akar, phir soh gaya. Uski halat tumne dekhi nahi hai, Aman. Aur ab mujhe sab jan'na hai. Tumhara phone aya toh main toh darr hi gayi, pata hai river ke paas behoshi ki halat mein tha jab mila mujhe." _(Yes, he did eat and then he went to sleep. You didn't see the condition he was in, Aman. I need to know everything. When you called me I got so scared. Did you know he was by the riverside almost in unconscious state when I found him.")_

Aman's heart breaks yet again for his husband. Knowing he cannot avoid Devika's questions any longer and has to fill her in too. Earlier when he called her in distress not being able to find Kartik in their usual spots before realising of course, Kartik wouldn't remember them. Aman asked for Devika's assistance to look for Kartik.

He will always be thankful of Devika for today, even though Aman always had a slight jealousy towards her knowing that Kartik was her first love and Kartik also knowing that but never letting it affect their friendship. For Kartik, Devika was very special and maybe the only person whom he referred to family before Aman came into picture. But gradually it was replaced by appreciation and a relief that Kartik had someone else to rely on.

Aman finally fills her in with everything that had been going on since the accident, unable to shake away his tears Aman breaks down in front of her as he retells the events of this morning. Devika is in absolute shock and in tears when Aman finishes.

"Itna sab hogaya aur tumne mujhe bataya bhi nahi?" ("All this happened and yet you didn't bother to inform me.")

"Sachme Devika, mujhe kisi cheez ka hosh nahi tha. Main sirf Kartik ke baare mein soch raha tha ke kaise uski help karon aur kaise..." ( _"Honestly, Devika, I wasn't in state of mind. All I could think about was Kartik and how to help him and how...")_

"Haan aur main help kar hi nahi sakti, haina?" She scoffs, accusation clear in her tone. Aman feels guilty yet again. _("And I could've have not helped, right?")_

"I'm sorry, Devika par yakeen karo ke aisa nahi hai. Main..." ( _I'm so sorry, Devika, but believe me it wasn't like this. I...")_

"Khair es baare mein toh hum baad mein baat kareinge, pehle mujhe batao ke ab kya karoge?" _("Anyways, we will talk about this later, now tell me what will you do?")_

Aman is saved yet again by Devika's diversion of topic knowing that one day they will come back to it but right now Kartik is more important, his memories... Aman looks at Devika with sudden interest.

"Kya? Aise kya dekh rahe ho?" _("What? Why are you looking at me like this?")_

"Usne tumse kya kaha? Koi baat ki?" _("Did he say something to you? Anything at all?")_

"Nahi... kuch zayada nahi kaha, woh us halat mein nahi tha. Main usko yahan tak kaise lekar ayi hon main jaanti hon. Woh bas bar bar aik baat dohra raha tha." _("No... nothing like that he wasn't in the condition at that time. Only I know how I managed to get him here. He kept repeating same thing over and over again.")_

"Konsi baat?" ( _"What was he saying?")_

"Yehi meri saza hai." ( _"This is my punishment.")_

"Saza? Kaisi saza?" Aman is confused and Devika ponders over it when it dawns to her. _("Punishment? What punishment?")_

"Kartik ka zalim baap. Bachpan se usay yehi kehta raha ke gay hona jurm hai, duniya aur fitrat ke khilaaf aur jab Kartik ne bagawaat ki toh yehi kaha ke eski saza usay milegi zaroor aur usay kisi ka pyaar kabhi haasil nahi hoga." _(Kartik's cruel father. Since Kartik was young, he would always say that being gay is a crime against world, against nature and when Kartik retaliated then his father said that Kartik will get punished for this. He will never be able to have true love of someone, of anyone.")_

Anger makes his blood boil and Aman wishes he could find that man and make him pay for everything he did to Kartik. Kartik had finally went into therapy after meeting with Aman's family and them getting married because his issues were deep rooted and Kartik needed to be free of them. Months of therapy sessions and nights followed those sessions were heavy. It took Kartik a lot of time but he confided in his husband and told him details of abuse Kartik went through from his father. Aman wanted nothing but to kill that man. Still, it seems there is alot that Kartik did not tell Aman. Th urge to hunt down that bastard is way too strong but Aman controls his urge in order to focus on Kartik.

"Kartik aisa soch bhi kaise sakta hai?" _("How could Kartik even think like this?")_

"Aman, jis Kartik ko tum jaante ho woh tumse milne ke baad aisa howa tha aur jis Kartik ko bachpan se main jaanti hon woh yeh Kartik hai jisay aaj tum dekh rahe ho. Shayad tumhe bhi andaza nahi hai ke tum Kartik ke liye roshni bankar uski zindagi mein aye aur uski zindagi hi badal di. Jitna pyaar tumne usay diya kabhi kisi ne nahi diya. Esi pyaar ke liye woh tarasta tha, tadapta tha." _(Aman, the Kartik you got to know was the Kartik he became after meeting you but the Kartik I knew since our childhood is the Kartik you are seeing today. Maybe, even you didn't realise that you came into Kartik's life like a light and brightened up his entire existence. The love you gave him, he never got that from anyone. You gave him the love Kartik always wanted, he yearned for all his life.")_

Tears roll down Aman's face yet again not knowing how to respond to Devika.

"Meri samajh mein nahi araha main kya karon? Kaise usay yaad karwayon? Woh toh mujhse aise door bhagta hai." _("I don't know what to do? How do I make him remember? He keeps running away from me.")_

Their conversation is interrupted when Kartik walks in, clearly woken up but still looking exhausted. Kartik's eyes fall on them and seeing Aman there brings him to a halt.

Aman gets up from sofa and takes careful and slow steps towards Kartik.

"Main tumhare saath waapis nahi jaonga." Kartik declares, stopping Aman dead on his tracks. "Kyun aye ho tum mere peeche? Kya mil jayega tumhe? Mujhe kuch yaad nahi hai aur phir bhi..." _("I will not go back with you. Why did you come here? What will you achieve? I don't remember a single thind and yet...")_

"Yaad na hone se rishte khatam nahi hojate, Kartik. Humare beech rishta hai... toh.. hai. Esko jootla nahi sakte." Aman's voice breaks but he holds his ground. _("Not remembering does not put an end to a relationship, Kartik. Bond between us exists, so it does. We cannot deny that.")_

"Us rishte ki duhai de rahe ho jo yaad hi nahi." Aman desperately moves and stops until he is only an inch away from Kartik. _("You are appealing to a relationship that I don't even remember.")_

"Rishte sirf yaadon se nahi bante, Kartik. Rishte mein dil, rooh, jism, sab hota hai, sirf yaadein nahi." Tears roll down Kartik's face but he doesn't say anything. Feeling bit brave, Aman gently takes Kartik's face in his hands and wipes away his tears, causing more tears to fall from his eyes. _("Relationship, bonds, do not exist just in memories. They exists in our heart, our soul, even our body; not just in memories.")_

"Bas karo, mujhse nahi hota ab." Kartik breaks away from his grasp and falls into his knees breaking apart. Aman falls into his knees in front of Kartik instantly, putting hand on his shoulder and Kartik looks into Aman's eyes through his tears. _("Stop it. I can't take this anymore.")_

"Tum jo yeh sab keh rahe ho, tum jo chahte ho woh nahi hota mujhse. Maine bohut koshish ki, bohut... lekin kuch yaad nahi ata." Aman tries to speak but Kartik cuts him off. _("Whatever you are saying, what you are trying to do I cannot do this. I tried my best, I tried... but I cannot remember a thing.")_

"Aur tumhe kya lagta hai mujhe nahi pata, tumhara dard? Zara sa chunkta hon toh tum jis tarhan darr jate ho, gabra se jaate ho. Meri har nazar mein kuch talash karte ho aur jab nahi milta toh tumhari ankhon ki chamak kam hojati hai. Har aahat pe jaise tum kuch hone ka inteizaar karte ho. Main bar bar tumhe es aziyaat se guzarte howe nahi dekh sakta. Tum yeh deserve nahi karte. Chale jao, please, aur mujhe mere haal par chodh do." _("And you think I don't know about your pain? I get startled and the way it scares you. Every time you look into my eyes searching for something but when you are unable to find it, the sparkle in your eyes dim. At every sound you seem to be waiting for something to happen. I cannot bear to watch you go through this over and over again. You don't deserve this. Just go, please, and leave me be.")_

Aman pulls Kartik into hug who goes into his arms without any protest seemingly losing energy to fight any further. They stay like this quietly for few moments as Aman tries to process every word of Kartik.

"Humne humesha saath rehne ka waada kiya hai, saath nibhane ka. Aur hum dono ke liye main woh poora karonga." _("We made a promise to always stay together, be there for each other. I'll fullfill that for both of us.")_

"Aman please..."

"Sirf aik bar..." Aman pleads desperately. "Bas aik baar mere saath chalo, sirf aik baar mujhpe bharosa karo. Phir main tumse kuch nahi mangonga. Bas sirf aik baar mere saath chalo please." Kartik feels defeated by the desperation and pleading by other man. _("Just this once... just this once come with me. Just trust me this once and I'll not ask you for anything else. Just come with me this once please.")_

"Main wahan..." _("I cannot...")_

"Tumhe wahan nahi jana na, toh hum wahan nahi jayeinge." _("You don't want to go there, then we will not go there.")_

"Toh phir?" _("Then?")_

"Allahabad. Hum wahan jayeinge." The city doesn't ring a bell in Kartik's mind but Aman has determined look on his face. Wiping away all traces of tears from Kartik's eyes, Aman holds his face gently in his hands and places a gentle kiss on his forehead. Kartik feels tension releasing his body as his hearts gives into Aman's request. They stay at Devika's for the rest of night while Aman prepares for tickets for Allahabad. _("Allahabad. We will go there.")_

"Tum jaante ho tum kya kar rahe ho? Kya Kartik ko es waqt wahan lejana theek hoga?" Devika asks Aman. ( _"Do you know what you are doing?")_

"Toh aur main kya karon, Devika? Ghar woh jana nahi chahta aur..." Aman doesn't know how to continue. _("Then what else can I do, Devika? He doesn't want to go home and...")_

"Aman..."

"Jo main nahi kar paya shayad woh kar payein." Aman is not sure if it is a good idea but it's the only option he has right now and he will not leave any stone unturned when it comes to Kartik. _("What I have not been able to do, maybe they can.")_


	5. Mujh Birhan Ka Jiya Ra Dole

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally Blank Chapter 5 is here! Sorry took me time as I was busy with other stories. Enjoy all!

**Blank::Kartik/Aman**

**Chapter V: Mujh birhan ka jiya ra ḍole**

As they board the train doubts start to take over his mind. Aman knows he is taking a huge risk with Kartik's condition by taking him to Allahabad but he is hanging on by a thread, not knowing what else to do.

They managed to catch their train, for the first time they weren't rushing or almost missed their train. Aman recalls the time when they first were going to meet his family and how that journey changed their lives forever.

"Kya howa? Kya soch rahe ho?" ( _What happened? What are you thinking about?)_

"Ku..ch nahi." _(Nothing.)_

"Kuch yaad agaya?" Aman doesn't know how to respond to that. Kartik placed his trust in Aman after he literally begged other man for this chance and he cannot jeopardise it now. _(You remembered something?)_

"Nahi... bas aise hi. Kaafi time baad jaa rahe hain na es liye." ( _No... nothing like that. Just that we are going after quite sometime time so that's why.)_

"Par wahan kyun jaa rahe hain hum? Kya hai Allahabad mein?" Kartik's constant questions made Aman realised that the journey or Allahabad does not stir anything which makes him question whether it's right thing to do. Aman doesn't have the answers to his questions or rather he is not sure if answering them will help. The rest of journey is spent rather quietly with Kartik mostly staring out the window and gently holding onto Aman's hand and Aman looking at Kartik just wishing for his love to come back to him. Kartik is here with him but he is miles away from Aman. _(But why are we going there? What is in Allahabad?)_

As the train approaches Allahabad Aman can feel he is on verge of breakdown all the worst case scenarios going through his head all at once making him sick to his stomach but for Kartik he keeps on the brave face for a little while longer. He can only hope and pray that this will help Kartik, help them and not take Kartik further away from him.

Once they reach at the doorstep of their home, that's when Aman turns to Kartik who is looking around observing everything.

"Yeh ghar hai mera. Humara." Kartik turns and looks at him confusion. _(This is my home. Our home.)_

"Par hum toh Delhi mein rehte hain? Woh ghar? Woh kiska hai?" _(But we live in Delhi, right? What about that house?)_

"Woh ghar bhi humara hai aur yeh ghar bhi. Yeh... yeh mera family home hai." Kartik pales at hearing the word family, almost ready to bolt but Aman holds his hand to hold him in place. _(Delhi house is also ours and this is ours too. This... this is my family home.)_

"Woh jaante hain humare baare mein?" _(They know about us?)_

"Haan, of course. Humari shaadi yahin hoyi thi." Aman replies carefully as they proceed towards the house entering it. _(Yes, of course. We got married here.)_

"Hum yahan kyun aye hain?" The fear in Kartik's voice is visible and Aman tries to keep his calm for Kartik. He doesn't know how to react anymore, he hasn't seen this side of Kartik before. Where his Kartik would always look for opportunities to come back here and be with everyone. Get pampered and spoil others, from wanting to settle here and not go back to Delhi to this Kartik, who is so afraid to even set foot in this house. _(Why did we come here?)_

As soon they enter the house they are greeted by Sunaina, Goggle and Champa, meanwhile Aman greets them Kartik just stands there frozen. Sunaina calls others and soon Chaman, Shankar comes downstairs to greet them.

"Kartik, kaise ho, beta?" Sunaina sees Kartik looking at them with deer caught in headlights expressions. As Shankar and Chaman pulls Aman in for a hug, Kartik just watches all of this in shock. Aman realises this and goes to Kartik, holding his hand he brings him forward. _(Kartik, how are you, son?)_

"Dekho, Kartik. Humari family." He empathises on the word _'humari_ ' to make sure Kartik gets it while introducing each of them to Kartik. Kartik looks at each member of the family closely trying to imagine them, trying to remember them but once again his mind is blank and he isn't sure how to react, what will happen if he can't remember them. Meanwhile Shankar Tripathi moves forward coming to stand in front of them. _(Look, Kartik. Our family.)_

He raises his right hand to give blessings to Kartik but he flinches away hiding his face behind Aman, his hold tightening in Aman's hand. His reaction sends waves of shock around everyone. Shankar's hand freezes in air but he gradually brings it down to Kartik's head who is still shying away from his touch and Aman gently squeezes his hand. Shankar's hand lands on his head where he gives him blessings and Kartik gets shocked at that, he looks at Shankar in disbelieve and it breaks Shankar Tripathi's heart, tears brimming in his eyes.

"Khush raho. Abaad raho." He manages to bless them and moves away to give Kartik space who is still trying to process what has happened. _(Stay happy and blessed.)_

Tears roll down Aman's face seeing all this, reminding him how he has truly lost Kartik, seeing this Sunaina decides to intertwine.

"Aman, Kartik ko lejao kamre mein. Tum log thak gaye hoge, thora araam karlo." Aman nods and Kartik looks at Sunaina who looks at him with warm teary eyed smile. Kartik still holding onto Aman's hand follows him as they climb the stairs to first floor where their room is. 'Their. They have a room in this house, the live in a same room with Aman's family all being here. How?' Kartik's thoughts are racing so hard he doesn't even know when they made it in the room. _(Aman, take Kartik to your room. You both must be tired, have some rest.)_

"Tumne mujhe bataya kyun nahi pehle?" Kartik asks Aman in accusing tone. _(Why didn't you tell me before?)_

"Main woh..." _(I was...)_

"Woh kya?" Aman doesn't know what to say. _(What?)_

"Yaan tumne yeh socha ke shayad bataye bina eska impact zayada hoga, haina?" _(Or you thought that this stunt will hold more shock value? Right?)_

"Kartik please." Aman pleads to Kartik unable to take this. "Mujhe abhi kuch dair akela chodh do." Aman feels dejected but nods at Kartik once again leaving to give Kartik some space meanwhile his hope fading away even more. _(I want to be left alone for sometime.)_

As soon Aman leaves Kartik closes the door and let's his head rest against the door, tears rolling down his eyes. This is too much. He cannot bear this. He forgot, Aman, their relationship maybe he would have been able to cope with that and now coming to Allahabad and meeting this family, Kartik is at loss here. Looking at their faces with joy in their eyes as they came in and the defeated looks on their faces when Kartik was not able to recall did something to his heart, it felt so heavy, he just wanted to get out of there instantly.

He doesn't know why he hid behind Aman when Shankar Tripathi came towards him it was a pure instinct as if he is coming to hurt him or to pull them apart. Kartik doesn't know how to react at their positive welcome of Kartik in their family. He doesn't know what happened and what his equation is with each member of the family. He remembers the aashirwaad from Aman's father and the pain in his eyes when Kartik hid from him. Did he truly loved him, accepted him? Then why would he forget about this? All he ever wanted was to be a part of family like this and to be accepted. Why would he forget happiness and still remembering every pain, taunt from rest of his life.

Turning away from door in anger he looks around the room inspecting it and is caught by a surprise when he finds a poster side of picture of him and Aman, where he is standing behind Aman, holding him from his waist and Aman is slightly turned in their hug and giving Kartik the most dreamy look one can imagine; huge smiles on their faces, their eyes sparking with happiness. He turns to left side and comes across a similar montage of pictures on wall as seen in their Delhi apartment but here the pictures are with entire family. A picture perfect in the middle with entire family surrounding Kartik and Aman as they are cheering and surrounding that picture are mini pictures with Kartik and each family member, individually doing various things, making hilarious faces in some pictures.

Bringing his fingers to gently trace each picture Kartik tries to see if they are real or his imagination. They feel so real but somehow Kartik is not able to believe it. 'I can't do this. I cannot let them go through this.' He thinks as he looks around the room which seems to be filled with love, warmth and their memories. The memories he doesn't have and he wants destroy all of this, they all are taunting him, laughing at him. 'I can't stay here. I need to leave.' He decides to leave otherwise he will do something that'll hurt everyone.

On the other hand, Aman comes down to his family with defeated look on his face, seeing that his family is alarmed.

"Aman, kya hogaya hai?" Chaman asks him. He straight goes to his mum, hugging her tightly he let his tears fall and starts to cry on his mother's shoulder. _(Aman, what happened?)_

"Aman... mer bachha. Bas, bas. himmat kar." His mother and his Chachi tries to console him but as if all his emotions are hitting him hard and he goes into a meltdown. _(Aman, my son. Have patience.)_

"Kaise himmat karon? Kya karon main? Woh sab kuch bhool gaya hai. Mujhe, humare rishte ko, es ghar ko, aap sab ko!" He screams through his pain not caring about anyone in this moment. He love rejected him once again and Aman does not know how much longer he can take it. _(How can I have patience? What should I do? He forgot everything. Me, our relationship, this home and all of you!)_

"Woh... woh... mujhse..." His legs gives out and he falls on his knees as Shankar and Chaman rush to hold him. They bend down with him, both hugging Aman tightly trying to console him while trying to hold back their tears. _(he.. he..)_

"Papa, please... kuch karo. Please Chachu, kuch karo... mujhe mera Kartik louta do. Please." _(Papa, please... do something. Please Chachu, do something... please bring back my Kartik.)_

"Aman, woh tera hi Kartik hai. Humara hi Kartik hai." Goggle tries to console but her words hold no convincing power because the Kartik she witnessed, they all witnessed earlier is not at all their Kartik, but a shadow of him. _(Aman, he is your Kartik. He is our Kartik.)_

"Aman, mera baccha..." Sunaina tries to console him but doesn't know how to, what to say. _(Aman, my son...)_

"Mummy, woh tumse bohut pyaar karta hai na. Bolo na usko, woh tumhari har baat manta hai. Usko bolo na..." Sunaina and Champa starts to cry seeing Aman like this, Goggle tries to console them. _(Mummy, he loves you a lot. Talk to him, he listens to you, right. Talk to him...)_

"Aman..." His father tries to gain his attention. Aman looks at his father through his tears and suddenly folds his hands in front of his father to beg.

"Papa... woh aapka ladla hai na, aapko sabse zayada manta hai... please usay manao na... uski madad karo na... please, papa." He is literally begging his family to help him get their Kartik back, he doesn't even know what he is saying but all he knows he'll die without Kartik. _(Papa... he is your favorite, right, he adores you the most... please talk to him, convince him... help him. Please, papa.)_

"Main uske bina marr jaonga." With this he falls into his father's arms and cries loudly leaving his family in tears and helpless. _(I'll die without him.)_


	6. Jaan De Di Yeh Pyaar Ki Haadh Thi

Kartik doesn't remember how but he ends up on the train station he walked out of the place without much of thought he just needed to get away. 'Do they truly loved him?' His mind keeps throwing this question at him. 'Of course, the evidence is there,' his mind keeps debating and Kartik just want some peace. He is angry at Aman for not telling him about the family before and then he cannot wrap his mind around the fact they accept him, accept them and love them. Lost in his own thoughts Kartik keeps walking on the train station aimlessly.

"Bhaag raha hai?" A voice brings him out from his thoughts he turns to see that girl standing there, Aman's sister - Goggle. _(Running away, are you?)_

"Tum yahan kaise?" _(How did you get here?)_

"Pairon se chal kar ayi hon, godhay par nahi." _(I walked, did not rode on a horse.)_

"Godhay par?" He looks at her in confusion but something tells him, it will not be out of question when it comes to her. She quietly smiles at him as if she knows a secret that he doesn't and that is also not out of question. ( _On horse?)_

"Tujhe kya laga aise chup chap ghar se chala jayega aur kisi ko khabar nahi hogi?" _(What did you think that you will leave without telling anyone and no one will find out?)_

"Tu aur kya karon, yaar. Nahi reh sakta wahan." _(What else to do, yaar. I can't stay there.)_

"Kyun? Hum kaatne ko dhoodte hain kya?" Kartik looks at her in surprise. _(Why? We don't bite.)_

"Aise mat dekh." _(Don't look at me like this.)_

"Sab log meri wajah se itne pareshaan ho rahe hain." _(Everyone is worried because of me.)_

"Haan toh honge hi na, family hi pareshaan hoti hai." She replies as if it is the most obvious fact in the world. _(Of course, we will be worried. Family does worry about one and other.)_

"Yaar, humesha se aise hi parivaar ka sapna dekha tha. Aise hi parivaar se jodne ki khawaish thi aur ab mila hai toh es tarhan." _(I always dreamt of a family like this. I also wanted to be part of such a loving family and finally I have that but like this.)_

"Kya howa?" He asks when Goggle doesn't reply and he can feel her staring at him even behind those big black glasses which brings up next question. _(What happened?)_

"Tum yeh cashma kyun lagaye rakhi ho?" _(Why are you wearing these glasses?)_

"Bachpan mein aik accident mein aik ankh chali gayi tabse pathar ki ankh laga ke ghum rahi hon. Aur tabse Rajni se Goggle ban gayi." With this she takes her glasses off and Kartik doesn't even bat an eye. _(Had an accident when I was young and since then I have a glass eye. And since then I became Goggle from Rajni.)_

"Mushkil nahi hota har waqt cashma lagaye rakhna?" ( _Does it not bother you to always wear glasses?)_

"Meri mushkil chodh aur apni firkar kar." Kartik doesn't know what to say to her so he just looks away but Goggle holds his face in her hands making him look at her. _(Stop worrying about me and worry about yourself.)_

"Marr jayega tu uske bina agar gaya toh... aur woh bhi." Kartik is speechless, overwhelmed at the fact someone is worried about him so much, caring about him. _(You will die without him and he without you.)_

"Chal... ghar chal. Please." Something tells him Goggle, 'Rajni' his mind corrects him, doesn't say please often. Rajni holds his hand as they start to walk back to house. ( _Come on, let's go home. Please.)_

"Kisi ko pata toh nahi ke main..." _(If someone finds out...)_

"Us waqt pata nahi tha ab bhi pata nah ichalega." Kartik is worried. _(No one knows and no one will find out.)_

"Don't worry, chill kar. Kuch nahi hoga." Rajni assures him and they make rest of their way in silence. Rajni cannot help but to believe that their Kartik is in there somewhere and their whole interaction is a proof of this even if Kartik doesn't know it. His heart knows them, recognises them and for now this is enough to move forward. She is glad it was her who spotted Kartik leaving while family was busy consoling Aman, Rajni noticed Kartik leaving so she quietly told Keshav to keep it quiet as she goes behind Kartik to bring him back. ( _Don't worry and chill. Nothing will happen.)_

Meanwhile at home they managed to calm Aman down who ends up sleeping in his mother's arms as exhaustion hits him hard. Sunaina and Shankar are sitting by Aman's side and Sunaina keeps creasing his hair. Chaman comes in and tells them quietly that Kartik is not in his room and they go into panic mode but before it can escalate Keshav tells them that Goggle is gone after him when she saw him leaving.

"Hume usay akela nahi chodhna chahiye tha. Pata bhi hai uski kya halat hai, agar kuch hogaya toh." Sunaina's heart is sinking. _(We should have not let him alone. We know what he is going through. What if something happens to him?)_

"Arre bhabhi fikar mat karein, Goggle ka message agaya hai woh Kartik ko ghar lekar arahi hai." Champa comes in to inform them. _(Don't worry, bhabhi. Goggle has messaged, she and Kartik are on their way to home.)_

"Champa... tu zara kitchen dekh le, main Aman..." ( _Champa... can you handle kitchen, I am with Aman.)_

"Arre kya bol rahi ho bhabhi, aap raho, Aman ke paas main sambhal leti hon." Champa assures Sunaina before walking away. _(Don't worry, I'll take care of it, you stay with Aman.)_

"Main bhi dekhta hon Goggle kahan tak puhunchi." Chaman also leaves leaving Sunaina and Shankar with Aman. Shankar looks at Aman's face tears dried on his cheeks, forehead filled with worry creases. Aman's pleading, helplessness still playing fresh in his memories. _(I'll go and have a look where Goggle is.)_

 _'Eski nazarein jab bhi mujhe dekhti hain toh unme itni begangi hoti hai ke main marr sa jata hon. En kuch dinon mein hazaar mautein mara honga sirf us begangi ki wajah se.'_ The pure pain and defeat in his voice, in his eyes left Shankar Tripathi feeling so helpless for the first time in his life. A sob chokes out of him at the memory and Sunaina looks at him in alarm. _(Every time he looks at me like I am a stranger, it kills me a bit. In last few days I have died thousand times just because of that strangeness in his eyes for me.)_

"Kya howa?" _(What's wrong?)_

"Sunaina... aise lag raha hai humne humare dono bacche khoh diye aaj." Unable to hold back another sob chokes out of him as he looks at Aman. _(Sunaina, I feel as if we lost both of our sons today.)_

"Himmat karein. Agar aap es tarhan toot jayeinge toh Aman aur Kartik ko kaise sambhaleinge?" _(Be strong. If you will break down like this how will we manage Kartik and Aman?)_

"Mujhse en dono ki halaat nahi dekhi jaa rahi. Aur Kartik... agar woh waapis na aya toh?" _(I cannot bear to see them like this. And Kartik... what if he does not return?)_

"Aise mat bolein, Goggle lekar aa rahi hai na. Bas dekhna sab theek hojayega." Sunaina is trying to put on a brave face, trying not to break down now when her family needs her the most. _(Don't say that. Goggle is bringing Kartik home. Just watch, everything will be alright.)_

"Humne bohut zayatiyaan ki hai na Kartik ke saath, Aman ke saath? Aise lag raha hai aaj usi ki saza mil rahi hain." The guilt is too much to bear. Yes, they absolutely adore Kartik, love him to bits but it took them time to accept him in the family and Shankar Tripathi cannot help but to blame himself. _(We have wronged them both, it feels like punishment for our wrongdoings.)_

"Aisa nahi hai, bas imtehaan ki ghadi hai. Dekhna sab jald hi theek hojayega." She hopes and prays for it. _(It's not like this. These are testing times, everything will be alright.)_

Kartik and Goggle meets with Chaman as they enter the house and Goggle just says they went out for a walk even though knowing well enough that was a lie. Champa tells Kartik to freshen up as food is almost ready.

"Aman... kahan hai?" A hint of smile appears on Chaman's face. _(Where is... Aman?)_

"Woh... bohut thak gaya tha toh bhaiya bhabhi ke kamre mein neeche hi soh gaya hai." Kartik feels guilt seeping in when he remembers he had literally threw Aman out of the room. _(He was really tired so he is sleeping in his parents room.)_

"Arre abhi khane ka waqt ho raha hai woh bhi uthne wala hoga." Chachi adds when she sees Kartik's fallen face, who nods in return before walking away. Once Kartik is out of sight Goggle tells her parents what happened and how she is hopeful about Kartik. _(It's almost time for dinner he must be waking up soon.)_

"Woh humara hi Kartik hai bas abhi uske mann mein sab tasveerein dhondli si hain." ( _He is our Kartik he just does not realise it yet.)_

"Yeh toh bohut achi baat hai. Lekin..." ( _This is good news but...)_

"Lekin kya, Papa?" _(But what, Papa?)_

"Agar Kartik ko kabhi kuch bhi yaad na aya toh phir?" The fear seeps in them as Chaman cannot help but to wonder what if. _(What if Kartik's memories never return?)_

Shankar watches this from distance eyes not leaving Kartik until he is out of sight. His heart warms when Kartik asks about Aman.

"Kartik ko yaad nahi hai toh kya howa? Hume toh sab yaad hai na? Humara pyaar aur humara saath... yeh sab toh nahi badlega. Kartik ko yeh sab hum deinge aur bohut deinge toh dekhna aik din... usay sab yaad aa jayega." Shankar addresses Chaman's what if trying to bring hope in others putting on a brave smile on his face. _(So what if Kartik doesn't remember? We remember everything, right? Our love for him, nothing will change. We will give Kartik so much love and affection that one day... he will remember.)_

"Main Aman ko uthata hon." With this he goes back into the room. Sunaina gently wakes up Aman when Shankar sits beside him. ( _I'll go wake up Aman.)_

"Kartik." His first word even before his eyes open.

"Woh..." Shankar stops Sunaina from saying anything about Kartik's disappearance. _(He...)_

"Woh freshen up ho raha hai khaane ka waqt hogaya hai na. Chal tu bhi uth ja, fresh hoja. Waise bhi Kartik pooch raha tha tere baare mein." Hearing this Aman's whole face lights up. _(He is gone to frehsen up it's time for dinner. Now you get up as well, go freshen up. Kartik was asking about you.)_

"Sach mein?" His parents share a sad look. ( _Really?)_

"Haan... chal uth fresh hoja phir khaane pe baiththe hain." _(Yes... now get up and go freshen up.)_

"Kartik... woh..."

"Champa ne keh diya hai woh araha hai, Chaman usay neech le ayega. Tu toh uth." His mother replies and Aman eagerly gets up and runs to freshen up leaving Sunaina and Shankar once again feeling helpless. (C _hampa has told Kartik about dinner he is coming down soon, Chaman has gone to get him. Now you get up.)_


	7. Mar Gaye Hum Khuli Rahi Aankhein

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only 2 more chapters left of this story guys. I hope you all enjoy it. It was never supposed to be this long fic, it was just an idea turned longer but have fun. :)

**BLANK::Kartik/Aman**

**Chapter VII: Mar Gaye Hum Khuli Rahi Aankhein**

The dinner goes well as well it can be in given the circumstances; Kartik feels excited when Rajma Chawal are served for dinner.

"Yeh toh mere favourite hain." _(These are my favourite.)_

"Jaanti hon esi liye banaye hain. Tumhare liye." Chachi smiles at Kartik who manages to smile back in surprise. Kartik stays mostly silent but his eyes are observing everything and everyone. _(I know that's why I cooked them. For you.)_

When Aman comes to their room the second time it's close to midnight and he is surprised to find Kartik still awake. And then it hits him that they have been sleeping in separate rooms and it didn't occur to him about sleeping arrangements when he brought him there. Maybe that's why Kartik hasn't gone to sleep yet.

"Tum... tum soh jayo main bahar soh jaonga, wahan charpaai hai." Aman assures Kartik as he steps forward to take his pillow from the bed but Kartik grasps his hand before it can reach the pillow. _(You... you sleep here and I'll sleep outside on the charpai bed.)_

"Nahi... I mean ke, tumhara hi kamra hai aur waise bhi sabko pareshaani hogi." ( _No... I mean it's your room and it'll cause unnecessary trouble for everyone.)_

"Mujhe kisi ki pareshaani ki parwa nahi hai siwaye tumhare." Aman's answer causes Kartik's heart to skip and unable to form anymore words. He lets go of Kartik's hand and just gestures him to lay down next to him. Aman knows it's a huge deal but he suppresses his excitement as he lays down next to Kartik who just turns his face away not before saying 'good night'. _(I don't care about anyone's trouble but yours.)_

"I'm sorry." Aman says to Kartik's back who turns around to look at Aman in confusion.

"Kis liye?" _(For what?)_

"Es tarhan bina bataye tumpar yeh sab maine daal diya. Mujhe tumhe family ke baare mein batana chahiye tha, I'm sorry." Kartik just looks at him for a long time. _(For unloading all this on you without talking to you first. I should have told you about the family first, I'm sorry.)_

"It's okay." Aman let's go of breathe he didn't even know he was holding in.

"I'm sorry, too."

"For what?" _'For leaving you once again, for running away once again,'_ he almost says but something in Aman's eyes stops him from uttering those words. "For all this." He ends up saying, he doesn't know what all this is, maybe for everything.

"Kartik, it's not your fault. None of this." The assuring tone does not help Kartik at all, he feels even more guilty. Somehow he is unable to stop himself for blaming for the accident which of course, he doesn't remember. But he blames himself for forgetting everything good ever happened to him. This time he doesn't say anything before he turns away closing his eyes knowing very well sleep is last thing on his mind.

Kartik can feel Aman's gaze on it but he doesn't want to draw attention to it so he pretends it's not soothing his heart, letting him be surrounded by peace as finally sleep takes over him feeling safe as angel is watching over him. Aman spends most of night just watching over his beautiful husband, knowing very well from his breathing when he is awake and also when finally sleep takes over him. Finally after what seems like a long time, Aman has been able to be close to Kartik once again and he spends every waking moment cherishing it.

It takes exactly three days since they got here and Kartik has another breakdown, a major breakdown causing the walls he built around his heart to come crashing down. Aman would be lying if he wasn't expecting something like this to happen but when it finally happens it is at the most unexpected time. Since they got here, Kartik had stayed mostly quiet and trying to always stay out of everyone's way but of course, it's his family and they would not let that happen. They are there at every step while giving Kartik space but also there to remind him they are there for him and love him meanwhile Aman would just stay on sidelines just watching over them, over him.

It almost seemed a normal afternoon as most of family members busy doing their own things, Kartik is sitting with Goggle and Keshav who are busy telling hilarious story about latest mischievous Goggle has been up to and Kartik is smiling until he finally lets out a loud laughter. Shankar is walking past them when he hears Kartik laughing, he stops and without giving a second thought, bends down to press a gentle kiss on his forehead and ruffles his hair.

Kartik looks at Shankar is surprise who is looking at him nothing but pure love and smiling at him, shaking his head asking him what happened? And that does it; a dam breaks and starts to fall heavily from his eyes. One second he is smiling and next he is sobbing loudly, falling apart in Shankar Tripathi's arms who is holding Kartik with his dear life. Soon, almost everyone is surrounding Kartik, trying to calm him down but Shankar shakes his head indicating let him cry as he needs to let out his pain.

Aman does not move at all when he saw Kartik breaking down because before even he could move almost everyone were there and when he saw his father holding Kartik, taking care of him like a father should Aman did not move. It was a father-son moment and he did not feel it would be right to take that away from Kartik so he watches from the background with his heart breaking all over again watching Kartik breakdown but he knows somewhere deep down this is a good thing.

"Roh le, mera baccha, ji bhar ke aaj roh le. Kyunki abke baad teri ankhon mein main koi ansoo nahi anay donga." A father promises his son to which Kartik is only able to reply with another heart wrenching sob, breaking tears into everyone's eyes. Shankar gently lays Kartik's head in his lap and runs his fingers through his hair knowing it will sooth Kartik. Unable to watch more, Sunaina leaves from there followed by Chachi who goes to console Sunaina. Meanwhile, Shankar and Chaman Chacha stay with Kartik; Keshav and Goggle finally notice Aman not far just watching with moist eyes, Goggle motions for Aman to come forward but he shakes his head. Keshav goes to Aman and pulls him into a hug. _(Cry, my son, cry your heart out. Because after this, I will not let any tears come in your eyes.)_

Kartik doesn't know for how long he stays like this in Shankar's lap, in an embrace where he feels so safe first time in his life. Tears have dried up, sobs have stopped and finally, Kartik can feel peace seeping in as he feels a burden finally taken his chest. He lies there, feeling Shankar's (Papa?) hand constantly creasing his hair and other arm around him holding him in place and every now and then he keeps pressing gentles kisses to his forehead and his hair. Kartik closes his eyes and enjoys this warmth, peace for a bit longer.

"Tu kyun nahi gaya uske paas?" Goggle corners Aman whose eyes never left Kartik for a second watching his father taking care of Kartik. _(Why did you go to him?)_

"Usay meri zaroorat nahi hai." _(He didn't need me.)_

"Kya?" _(What?)_

"Goggle, usay us waqt aik baap ki, parivaar ki zaroorat thi, meri nahi." _(Goggle, he needed father, a family at that time, not me.)_

"Tu parivaar nahi hai uska?" _(So you are not his family?)_

"Pagal mat ban yaar." _(Don't be ridiculous.)_

"Aman..."

"Main usay kabhi akela nahi chondonga, dukh-sukh ke saathi hain hum. Lekin es waqt mujhse zayada usko tum sab ki zaroorat hai." _(I will never leave him, we are together in happiness and sadness. But at this time he needed family more than me.)_

"Aur tujhe? Jo tujhe uski zaroorat hai woh?" Aman doesn't reply but his shining eyes are enough to tell Goggle who envelops him in a hug. Most of the day passes with Kartik sleeping peacefully in his Papa's lap. Both father and son stay there meanwhile the world around them keeps moving. Sunaina comes to check on them and motioning to Shankar to wake up Kartik but he tells him let him sleep for a bit more. It's intriguing how he is sleeping so peacefully, dead to the world in the veranda despite all the noise of normal life around him. _(And you? What about what you need?)_

"Aman?" Shankar asks Sunaina.

"Yahin tha abhi kuch dair pehle, Chaman usko apne saath upar legaya hai." Shankar nods, his heart aching for his son. He knows Aman will be okay but right now Kartik needs him more. Sunaina gently ruffles Kartik's hair who stirs a bit but doesn't wake up. _(He was here, now he is gone upstairs with Chaman.)_

They stay like this for a bit more longer when finally Kartik stars to come back to the world of living. Scared, his first emotion when he wakes up to find himself he fall asleep with his head in Shankar's lap but soon that feeling changes into warmth as Shankar kisses his forehead.

"Sorry main..." _(Sorry... I)_

"Sorry mat kaho, itne sakoon se soh rahe thay ke mera bhi dil nahi kiya tumhe jagane ko." _(Don't say sorry, you were sleeping so peacefully I didn't had a heart to wake you up.)_

"Thanks." Kartik doesn't know what else to say. Shankar smiles.

"Maa baap ko thanks nahi kehte." Kartik almost cries again but he hugs Shankar instead. Aman who was watching this quietly from the roof above smiles as he remembers the first time Kartik hugged his father at the train station and how it melted them. _(You don't thank your parents.)_

Later at night when finally things have died down Aman finally decides to seek out Kartik who had quietly left at the dinner time because he needed bit of fresh air and sometime to collect his thoughts. Aman had stayed out of Kartik's way for almost the entire day, knowing it's for better but somehow still feeling guilty he decides to seek out his husband. He is almost going in their room when Champa tells him that Kartik had been on the second roof since the evening. Aman climbs up the roof to find Kartik lying on charpai bed, one arm tucked behind his head and eyes on sky watching the stars.

"Kartik." Aman calls him as he comes closer to the bed. Kartik turns to look at him with soft smile on his face. The smile his husband used to give him at such quiei nights and Aman's heart skips a beat. Without saying a word Kartik moves around the bed to make space for Aman who sits on it facing Kartik.

"Aaj asmaan bohut khubsoorat lag raha hai, sitaaron se bhara howa. Shaam se wohi dekh raha hon. Taare bhi gin'ne ki koshish ki, par itne saare hain ke..." He laughs at his own foolishness. When Aman doesn't join in his laughter, Kartik turns to find Aman gazing at him hotly which causes Kartik to blush. Suddenly a thought occurs to Kartik and he sits up causing Aman to almost fall off the bed. _(The sky is looking so lovely tonight filled with stars. I have been star gazing since evening. I tried to count stars too but they are so many...)_

"Aman." The way Kartik calls out his name with so much warmth causes Aman's breathe to stuck in his throat.

"Mujhe sab jan'na hai. Humare baare mein, sabkee baare mein. I think, I am ready. Mujhe humari kahaani sun'ni hai shuru se." It takes few seconds for Aman to register what Kartik has said, he is unable to believe his ears. ( _I want to know everything about us, about everything. I think, I am ready. I want to hear us our story from the beginning.)_

"Sach mein? I mean..." _(Really? I mean...)_

"Haan." One word holds such a determination in it that Aman does not need to question it any further. And then, finally, Aman begins to narrate tale of Kartik and Aman, their story. _(Yes.)_

* * *

I hope you'll enjoyed it.


	8. Yeh Tere Intizaar Ki Haadh Thi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is the second last or rather last chapter of Blank as next chapter will be more of epilogue. I hope you all enjoy it. :)

**BLANK::Kartik/Aman**

**Chapter VIII: Yeh Tere Intizaar Ki Haadh Thi**

They sit there from dusk until dawn as Aman takes Kartik through their journey. Kartik listens to Aman patiently but every now and then he will ask questions, he will be astonished at some of the things they went through. From strangers to flatmates, then from colleagues to best friends, then from boyfriends to finally husbands - lifeline of each other. Aman is reluctant when he tells Kartik how their family found out about them or rather their father caught them kissing. To Aman's surprise or he shouldn't have been, Kartik starts laughing it takes him few minutes to calm down.

"Train mein kissing... woh bhi jab sab saath..." Kartik keeps on laughing and the sight makes Aman heart melt and he doesn't know how to proceed from there. Then Aman tells him what comes after and that sobers up Kartik until he gets to Goggle's wedding and Kartik loses it. _(Kissing in train... with everyone around...)_

"So wait... tumne sabke saamne Goggle ki shaadi pe... I mean... what? How? Dimaag mein kya chal raha tha?" Kartik's questions shows he invested he is in their story and Aman smiles. _(So wait... you did that in front of everyone at Goggle's wedding? I mean... what? How? What were you thinking?)_

"Us waqt sirf yeh chal raha tha ke tu kya hot lag raha tha sherwani mein." Kartik gapes and Aman laughs at his expressions as it dials down he smiles before continuing. "Koi teri insult kare, tujhe kuch bhi kae, main bardaasht nahi kar sakta phir chahe woh mere Papa kyun na hon, yaan poora parviaar hi kyun na ho." Aman's eyes are shining with love for him. Then he continues with the story; as the story progresses he can see Aman's smile turning into a frown,regret and pain visible in his eyes as he talks about Kusum, Aman's punar janam, Kartik's re-entry, the beating, his almost marriage with Kusum and then finally their marriage. _(At that time I was thinking about how hot you are looking in sherwani.) (I can't tolerate someone insulting you, it doesn't matter whether it's Papa or the entire family.)_

Kartik is silent for sometime comprehending everything that Aman has told him. He is taken aback by the fact at how much length he went for Aman and deep down his heart knows he would have done everything for this man but he doesn't remember doing it. He looks at Aman curiously.

"Kya?" _(What?)_

"Agar family ka aisa reaction tha toh ab sab kaise?" Aman can understand Kartik's confusion. Aman tells him when Shankar dropped them off at train station and their interaction. _(If family reacted like this then how are they like this now?)_

"Waqt laga par tumne toh pehle se sabke dil mein jagah bana li thi, bas un sab ko woh accept karne mein time laga. Ab toh tum es ghar ke ladle ho, mujhse pehle toh tumhari baat sar ankhon pe hoti hai." Kartik gets embarrassed but Aman places has hand on his cheek. _(It took time but you had already your way into everyone's heart but they needed time to accept that fact. Now you are the favourite of the family, you come before me, you are the apple of everyone's eye.)_

"Arre nahi pagle, shikayaat nahi kar raha bakle tumhe bata raha hon ke sirf main hi nahi hum sab tumse behadh pyaar karte hain." Aman's smile and words are so genuine and Kartik badly wants to believe that. He lowers his head, a lone tear escapes his eye. _(Oh no, my crazy love, I am not complaining but just letting you know how much everyone loves you.)_

"Kartik?" Soon river is flowing from his eyes as he breaks down cursing himself.

"Mujhe yeh sab bilkul yaad nahi hai. Main itni koshish kar raha hon phir bhi yaad nahi araha." Aman tries to calm him down but fails. "Kaise? Main kaise nahi yaad kar paa raha yeh safar? Kyun yeh sab mere saath hi howa?" _(I don't remember all of this. I am trying so hard but keep failing to remember.) (How? How I am not able to remember our journey? Why did this happen to me?)_

"Kartik... shhh... calm down." Aman takes his face in his palm wiping away his tears. Kartik looks at Aman in complete fear causing.

"Kartik?"

"Agar mujhe kabhi bhi kuch bhi yaad nahi aya toh? Aman? Tab kya hoga?" The fear reflects in his eyes, in his voice and he can see Kartik shaking. _(What if I don't remember anything at all, ever? Aman? Then what?)_

"Yeh sab, humari zindagi, humari yaadein, kuch yaad nahi hai mujhe." Kartik cries at the loss of his memories, truly sinking in what he has lost. Aman makes Kartik look at him. _(All this, our life, our memories; I don't remember anything.)_

"Toh hum naayi yaadein banayeinge. Tum bhi yahin hon, main bhi yahin hon, sab toh hain na paas. Humara pyaar wohi hai, tumhara dil jaanta hai, pehchanta hai. Yaadein nahi toh kya howa... hum phirse apni duniya banayeinge, naayi yaadon ke saath." Kartik looks at Aman in hope and is not disappointed when Aman's gaze holds the love and determination, he believes every word he has said. Kartik smiles through his tears and hugs Aman tightly who returns the hug and kisses his forehead. _(Then we will create new memories. You are here, I am here, everyone is here with us. Our love is the same and your heart knows that, recognises it. So what if you don't have the memories... we will create new ones, we will rebuilt our life with new memories.)_

"Everything will work out, just have faith." Aman whispers to Kartik. They stay like this until Kartik is calm, then instead of going back to their room, they lie there on that charpai, gazing the sky watching dusk turn into dawn. Kartik's head is resting on Aman's chest whose fingers are playing with Kartik's hair.

Early in the morning when Shankar climbs up to check up on his plants he find his boys cuddled together, deep in sleep even the sun's light unable to disturb their peaceful sleep. He notices blanket fallen off them so he carefully covers them with blanket once more and adds a sheet on clothing wire so it'll protect them from sunlight and not to disturb their sleep. Seeing peace of both of them finally fills his heart with hope that maybe things will be better one day.

When Aman wakes up it is because he can feel someone is standing by his side, opening his eyes he finds his arms filled with Kartik who is sleeping without a worry with his head resting on his heart. Aman smiles at the sight but the moment is broken by someone clearing their throat. He turns and almost jumps up causing Kartik to almost wake up.

"Tum?" He comes face to face with Kusum who is standing by his pillow smiling down at them. _(You?)_

"Hi, Aman."

"Kusum.. tum yahan?" Kartik fidgets to get comfortable, Aman carefully forces himself away by Kartik's side gesturing Kusum to follow him. They get bit further away from where Kartik is sleeping. _(Kusum, you here?)_

"Kya howa tum yahan kaise?" _(What happened, why are you here?)_

"Woh ghar ayi thi toh pata chala Kartik ke baare mein toh esi liye ayi thi." Kusum replies looking over Aman's shoulder to see Kartik. "Usay sachme kuch yaad nahi hai." Aman shakes his head and Kusum doesn't know what else to say. _(I came back home and found out what happened with Kartik so I came to see you.) (He really doesn't remember anything at all?)_

"Bas tum dono ko dekhne ayi thi." Aman looks at her. "Maine usay sab bataya kal raat." Kusum gets shocked at this. _(I just came to see you two.) (I told him everything last night.)_

"Aur?" _(And?)_

"Aur kuch nahi. Ab sab jaanta hai bas yaad nahi. Lekin feelings woh wahin hain." _(And nothing. He knows everything now but doesn't remember. But his feelings are still there.)_

"Sab theek hojayega." Aman gives her a curious look. "Sach me, Kartik tumhare liye saari duniya se ladh gaya toh phir..." _(Everything will be alright.)(Trust me, Kartik found for you with the rest of world so this...)_

"Haan lekin es bar uski ladai aapne aap se hai." _(Yes, but this time his fight is with himself.)_

"Mujhe bharosa hai woh yeh ladai bhi jeet jayega." She smiles and it feels genuine. Suddenly something appears on her face, an emotion or something but it's gone before man could fully grasp it. "Acha main chalti hon." She suddenly announces and before Aman could react she comes closer and gives him peck on cheeks before running away and Aman stands there confused. ( _I have faith that he will win this fight.)_

"Yeh koun thi?" 'Oh God, I'll kill her.' Is the first thought runs through his mind as he hears Kartik behind him. Turning around he finds Kartik who is looking at Aman with confusion and irritation. _(Who was this?)_

"Kusum." It slips out and he knows its a mistake when it dawns on Kartik who Kusum is.

"Oh toh yeh Kaniya Kumari thi jisse tum shaadi karne wale thay?" _(Oh so this is Kaniya Kumari who you were going to marry?)_

"Kusum hai uska naam aur shaadi nahi hoyi na." _(Her name is Kusum and we didn't get married.)_

"Toh phir yeh Sunita kyun ayi yahan?" _(Then why Sunita was here?)_

"Kusum hai uska naam aur woh baas haal poochne ayi thi." _(Her name is Kusum and she just wanted to check up on us.)_

"Acha toh Sangeeta aise haal poochti hai?" _(So Sangeeta was here to see how we were doing?)_

"Kusum hai uska naam." Before he can continue he hears Champa coming towards them. _(Her name is Kusum.)_

"Meri ankhon ko dhoka howa yaan woh pagal larki yahan pe thi abhi?" _(Did my eyes betray me or was that mad girl just here?)_

"Kusum hai uska naam!" Kartik shouts in irritation causing Champa and Aman to freeze on their spot. Kartik unaware of that continues to rant. _(Her name is Kusum!)_

"Bas agayi phirse dorre daalne." Champa quietly walks away leaving Aman to deal with this and when Kartik turns to look back at Aman finds other man grinning like an idiot. _(yea, she just came to flirt again.)_

"Kya hai?" He asks irritatingly and Aman laughs, he comes closer and takes Kartik's hands in his and looks at him. ( _What is it?)_

"Aaise kuch nahi hai aur waise bhi, main sirf aur sirf tumse hi pyaar karta hon. Shaadi bhi tumse hi ki hai. I love you, Kartik." Kartik can't stop his cheeks from colouring bright red and his heart pounding at this confession. _(It's nothing like this, I love you and only you. I got married to you only. I love you, Kartik.)_

"Pata nahi maine aise kyun react kiya... utha toh usay dekha aur woh phir jis tarhan se tumhe kiss karke..." Kartik looks away in embarrassment but Aman completely understands what Kartik felt was a momentarily jealousy which he had also felt when this happened first time round. He doesn't know whether to Thank Kusum or kill her for this stunt but it just helped Kartik in a way. He didn't tell Kartik exactly what had happened when he told him about his decision because it was too much for him but he gave him highlights of it. _(I don't know why I reacted like this... I woke up and saw her and then the way she kissed you...)_

"Woh toh aise hi pagal hai." Kartik huffs but irritation leaving his body, Aman knows it's a risk but decides to take the risk. "Toh aik kaam karte hain esko erase kardete hain." _(She is just crazy like this.) (Then let's do one thing and erase this moment.)_

"Kaise?" _(How?)_

"Tum mujhe kiss kardo." Aman says casually but his heart is ready to burst either from excitement or fear he can't say. When Kartik stands there deer caught in headlight, Aman swallows and puts on a smile. _(You kiss me.)_

"Main mazaq kar raha hon itne serious mat ho." With this Aman turns away but Kartik doesn't let go of his hand instead presses it stopping Aman on his tracks. Aman slowly turns around and stares at Kartik who is observing him, Aman lets him. _(I was just joking don't take it seriously.)_

Kartik who finally was able to free himself from agony, pain and guilt of forgetting Aman and their life when Aman vowed to make new memories with him, to be always there for him and love him no matter what. Finally, his heart was at peace and he was not pushed down by the burden of fear of Aman abandoning him. He heard everything from Aman and still was not able to connect himself to it but when he looks at Aman the way his entire body reacts to this man he knows Aman is telling the truth he can feel every ounce of him filled with love for this man. So finally, he leaves his fear behind with the night as dawn spreads across the sky and he embraces their love, embraces this man and decides to start a new beginning like the new dawn.

Aman watches several emotions flickering through Karitk's eyes but waits patiently for Kartik to get back to him. He can see in Kartik's eyes the exact moment he comes back to Aman. Without saying another word they lean closer; closing the gap between them Kartik places a small peck on Aman's cheeks and let his lips rest there for few seconds before finally moving away.

"I love you, Kartik." Aman says before Kartik fully moves away causing Kartik to blush at this. He gives Aman his true smile but doesn't say the words back but it doesn't matter because they both know that Kartik loves him back; his eyes, his actions are living proof of that. He feels Kartik's fingers locking with his and Aman knows they will be okay.


	9. Naina More Taras Gaye Aaja Balam Pardesi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here guys... finally the Epilogue of Blank is here. I appreciate all of your support and love for this story. Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart.
> 
> On this note, I'll leave you to enjoy the final chapter of Blank and with the news that my new SMZS fan fiction is on it's way shortly, keep an eye out on my account for it. :) (A series following from 'Midnight Rendition' OS.)

**BLANK::Kartik/Aman**

**Chapter IX: Naina More Taras Gaye Aaja Balam Pardesi**

**A year later**

Kartik wakes up to find himself completely wrapped around Aman, placing a kiss on his forehead Kartik frees himself without waking him up. It's weekend so Kartik decides to let Aman rest for bit longer and prepare special breakfast for him, Aman's favourite: Pancakes. It's been a year and Kartik's memories still haven't returned and looking back he can see they managed just fine without his memories. Of course, it hasn't been an easy road for either of them. Kartik remembers the beginning how difficult it was for either of them to accept that and try to move on from it.

But Aman's unconditional love and support of entire Tripathi family managed to help Kartik and Aman both overcome each road block on their way. Kartik still had bad days where he would end up in dark mood cursing himself for not having his memories but as Aman promised they have been creating their new memories as they embark on new journey to rediscover each other, their love for each other. Aman was right that his mind may he forgotten but his heart, his body, his soul remembers Aman in every way and Kartik falls in love with Aman all over again.

Aman, he can wax poetry about this man and it still will never be enough. Being with this man for a year Kartik can imagine why he would have fallen for him in the first place as he hopelessly falls head over heels for the second time. He always always there with him, especially on his bad days and never letting him feel for a second that he is alone.

Kartik hums quietly feeling content as he prepares breakfast. He doesn't know what tune it is but he can feel the words are on tip of his tongue. He uses the batter to add face on the pancake and his hand moves on its own and instead of smiley face he wrote 'MLTKH'. He looks down at his has hands and the letters. It's weird but he knows what they mean its on tip of his tongue he just need to say them out loud. He looks at the letters closely.

"Mere liye tum kaafi ho." He whispers to himself. As soon those words leave his tongue something clicks. ' _Mere liye tum kaafi ho, Aman_.' 'Cheesy.' ' _Arre pyaar ka izhaar karna cheesy kabse hogaya?_ ' Aman's laughter, their kiss, Kartik covered in batter mix. Suddenly something unlocks in his mind and all of his memories come flooding in, all at once, every memory hitting him with such a force that his body nearly gives out.

Aman wakes up to a something crashing in the kitchen causing him to jump out of bed and rushing to kitchen. He is shocked to find Kartik almost bent over on kitchen top having difficulty breathing.

"Kartik, kya howa?" Aman rushes to him, putting hands on his shoulder. Kartik doesn't reply and stays like that for bit longer and Aman hugs him from behind trying to sooth him. Once calm, Kartik turns around in his arms and looks at Aman with his eyes welled up.

"Kartik?"

"I remember." And suddenly Aman forgets how to breathe. Kartik holds Aman's face in his hands and laughs.

"I remember, Aman. I remember, everything!" With this Kartik hugs him tightly as for Aman who is still standing there frozen, finally unfreezes.

"What?"

"I remember." Kartik whispers in his ears and the pure joy in his voice is enough to convince Aman. Breaking away from hug Aman looks in Kartik's eyes; his eyes well up seeing the familiarity in his eyes. He remembers.

"You remember." Finally it dawns to Aman and Kartik nods.

"Mere liye tum kaafi ho." With this Kartik drags Aman in for a kiss which turns more passionate. Pancakes completely forgotten as Kartik drags Aman back to bed planning on not leaving it anytime soon.


End file.
